Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of human experience, yet societal norms often impose restrictive views on what is considered appropriate sexual behavior for older adults. Many people in Western society believe that older adults should not be sexual, viewing it as unbecoming, disgraceful, or just plain gross. For older adults, being openly flirtatious or sexy is generally frowned upon or considered inappropriate. Society expects older adults to “act their age,” which usually means being kind, nice, and completely asexual. This bias is known as sexual ageism.
Societal pressures and stereotypes can stymie the sexual identity and emotions of older adults, leading to internal conflicts and a diminished sense of self-worth. This is problematic because older adults, like everyone else, have individual needs and behaviors, and some of them are (dare I say it?) sexual beings.
To counteract the negative impacts of sexual ageism, we need to adopt a sex-positive approach. We need to “break free,” as Freddie Mercury used to sing, and let older adults do what fits their personality and personal needs. This means encouraging a more open, accepting, and affirming view of sexuality at all ages. A sex-positive paradigm recognizes that older adults should be allowed to express their sexual desires and identities without fear of stigma or discrimination. This approach validates their experiences and affirms their right to a fulfilling sexual life—meaning what they can do, or could do.
A needs-based approach to rights emphasizes that individuals have rights simply because they have needs. This is particularly relevant for older adults, who may have unique and evolving needs as they age. Recognizing and addressing these needs, especially in the realm of sexuality, is crucial. Older adults should be supported in ways that respect their individual preferences and desires, rather than being subjected to one-size-fits-all solutions.
There is no single truth about sexuality; it is a deeply personal and varied experience. Recognizing this diversity is key to supporting the sexual well-being of older adults. People often struggle with their own emotions regarding the sexuality of older adults. Addressing these emotions openly and empathetically can help reduce stigma and foster a more accepting attitude toward the sexual lives of older individuals. Who are we to tell others what they should do?
By adopting a more positive and inclusive approach to sexuality and aging, we can create a society that respects and celebrates the sexual rights and identities of older adults. This involves challenging harmful norms, addressing sexual ageism, and ensuring that older individuals have the support and resources they need to express their sexuality fully and freely. It’s time to embrace a new paradigm that honors the sexual rights of older adults and supports them in living fulfilling, authentic lives. Let’s focus on what could be done!